I have to admit that most of my revelations came from spending time with my dear friend Keith. When I arrived, everything felt so familiar that I didn't approach it with the beginner's mind I approached it with last time. I fell into comfortable patterns and didn't feel the magic. However being with Keith and later others who were experiencing India for the first time, reminded me of how experience can drastically change based on the current state of mind. Keith was having a particularly difficult time, and in talking him through his difficulties it really forced me to clearly articulate and pin point what about India I love. This is what I came up with.
One thing is just that because of my parent's love for India, I was raised with bits of India all around me. From the music, to the art all over the house, the food and the bedtime stories, so there is a familiarity I have with India that is really comforting, and since I no longer live with my parents this Indian familiarity is now missing from my daily American life. Then combined with my studies of Indian dance, history and art, I feel like I understand a part of India which feels affirming when it is reinforced. Going to India at times feels like going to my "motherland," even though I am acutely aware that I am not in fact Indian. It is amazing how comforting it is to have EVERYONE pronounce my name correctly and instead of look confused when they learn my middle name to instead have their eyes open in wonder and respect. I loved seeing symbols and acts that I could figure out based on my prior knowledge of the culture. I became extremely aware of this skill as more and more people kept asking me to explain Indian things to them that I didn't immediately know. Then there was a sense of real flattery I felt when people would ask me if I was Indian. When I was dressed in my Sari, I even had a few people pull other people over to ask them in disbelief if they thought I was an Indian or a foreigner, one even took a picture on her phone to ask people! I guess what all this means is that there was a sense of belonging that came with the familiarity that was really comforting and affirming.
I noticed that while I was in India, I was a lot calmer than I am in the U.S. I realized that India puts me in somewhat of a forced meditative state. There is so much going on all the time, and so much of it is unpleasant and difficult and out of my control, that if I grasped on to any part I would spiral in a blink into "everything sucks" mode and be stuck there. However, precisely because there is so much going on, I have to just let it all wash over me and move through the insanity. Now I don't mean in any way I went to an airy fairy place where I just "went with the flow." I was still very diligent, and when things were important I had to plan and figure out how to get it done, but I guess I just didn't have the option to let the plethora of little things get to me. I didn't ignore them either, I just simply acknowledged them and moved on.
In a similar vein--India more than any other place I have been directly reflectes whatever state I am in. If I am in a crappy mood, everything around me is crappy and exacerbates my mood to shitty. However, if I can maintain my kindness I am often overwhelmed with the random kindness I receive. I had people pay for my rickshaw rides, stop mid-road to ask if I needed directions, free chai given, and more. I even admit that I approached these acts of kindness with skepticism, but then felt a little guilty for my shrewdness when the kindness proved genuine. I think it just really proved to me how a little respect, a smile and genuine "Thank You" is really appreciated and can go a long way, even in the crazy bustle of India. This aspect of India isn't very forgiving I found, it keeps you in constant check and frequently tests you as well, but I guess I responded well to it.
As the end of my India journey came, I realized I had a sense of pride. As Keith's experiences pointed out, India is a really difficult country and there are a LOT of people who hate it. However, I managed to work through India's difficulties. Granted I had some very privileged experiences that I am very grateful for, such as staying with a wonderful homestay family and having Seina's home and family as a base. I have also experienced a lot of the difficulties India has to offer, and I had my fair share of them. Despite it all, I was able to build up a workable amount of Hindi where I could understand a lot and usually get my point across, a sizable understanding of India's transit systems and culture to not only get myself around but other foreigners as well, and still love India for it's flaws and it's magic that when in the right mindset, I can see is still right in front of me.
I find myself back in the states with a calmer sense of confidence I didn't have when I left. Being able to navigate through India gives me a feeling that I can do anything. I still don't know what the future has in store for me, I need a job and to setup my "grown up" life, but I don't feel the need to freak out about it right now.
I hope I can maintain these lessons I learned, but right now I feel grateful to have relearned these lessons through these reflections. Thank you India.
